Opinions about my 16 year old

I grew up in a very strikt christian home and had sex for the first time at 19.  I married the second person I had sex with just before I turned 20.  I have been happily married for 21 years.  But I know that is not the average case.  That is why I am asking opinions.  Torn between the christian morals I was tought or sexual freedom.  I want to be open minded

Okey then i get it! I understand that it can be difficult to make your own rules for your child when you yourself grew up with another lifestyle. I admire you anyway for atleast trying to be open minded and considering other choises for your son and I hope he sees the effort you're putting thru this descision.

I am also curious. You know they are having sex and you accept it, and still you feel you need to somehow keep it under control. Why?

Alcohol is a drug that destroys the life of many. Sex, on the other hand, is generally a good thing that makes people happier. How can you compare the two?

In my life I haven't seen anyone damaged by voluntary sex. I have spent a lot of time in the US and I always find it strange that sex is regarded as so dangerous and decadent. Is this a religious issue?

(Yes, unsafe sex can be dangerous, but that does not sound to be the issue in this case, and I don't think that is the cause of the american sex-panic either.)

Ok, see you just answered my question on religion.

I can't really say anything about christian morality since I am an atheist. Except for religion I don't really see the point of trying to limit the amount of sex your son has. Talk to him instead, use your experience to explain life for him, maybe he can avoid making some relationship mistakes with your help. Maybe you can stop him from making mistakes with alcohol. Sex, however, is unlikely to ever cause him problems.

+1

I respect your values and understand your dilemma. You want to set boundaries based on your values. But your son is old enough to start to form his own values. You forbidding him to do something that he feels is ok could make him feel resentment. My advice is to keep the discussion alive. My experience is that it was easier to respect my parent's decision if I understood where they were coming from. Explain to him why you feel the way you do. Perhaps you have already done that and then it should be end of discussion.

Thank you all for the opinions.  I actually told my son I would write "a forum" to really see if I was the Only one who believes it's not ok.  We have talked openly about this issué.  I don't believe in sheltering a child as I was and I know they need to have their own experiences.  That is how they grow and learn.  I actually have 3 teenagers.  He is not the oldest, but the first to be in a relationship.  I do have to respont to orolig2121-I was a social worker in the US and have seen many young teenagers lives destroyed by voluntary sex.  Hundreds actually.  Ninety percent of the kids I worked with were teenage pårents, and thirty percent of those teenage parents were living in homeless shelters.  So yes, lives can be "greatly altered" by voluntary sex.

Thank you Browneyedgirl.  Everything you said is what I needed to hear.  It's tough as a mom to let go.  I will continue talking to him.

Ok, so it is children you are afraid of? I agree that I wouldn't like at all if my children became teenage parents. However I see contraceptives as something my children have to learn to use for many years anyway. Most people nowadays have sex for many years before they decide to have children. The average age for children is now 30, so the only solution is contraceptives.

If they would fail with contraceptives and cause a pregnancy I would expect an abortion. I wouldn't be happy if they had do an abortion, but it wouldn't be a big deal for me either.

So, to me, sex at 16 does not at all mean children. At worst it is a pregnancy + abortion. I think the risk that my kids become teenage parents is very small.

(And in Sweden teenage parents do generally not end up in homeless shelters.)

Why don't you have this discussion with the parents of the 15 yo girl? Are you sure that they think it is okay, have you talked to them? I think that should be the first step for you.

I am deeply sórry for anyone that has the opinion that pregnancy=abortion.  And then what...no problem?  The thought that any parent would believes that their child would not feel eternal emotion over having an abortion must be greatly distanced from reality.  The moment a woman finds out she is pregnant, she feels that there is life.  It is an immediate connection to the unborn, no matter if the pregnáncy was planned or unplanned. As a parent, could you imagine your life without your child now!  No!!  

If you think abortions are terrible, then sex becomes more complicated.

"As a parent, could you imagine your life without your child now!  No!!  "

Your arguments about abortion are purely emotional, based on your emotions, no need to try to dress them in logic.

Är det bara jag som reagerar på att den här personens engelska är lite för dålig för att vara ifrån en amerikan?
Tycker att den här tråden skriker troll, men det är bara jag det...

Med tanke på hur dålig svenska många har så är det väl inte konstigt om en amerikan har dålig engelska?

Jag tvivlar ocksa valdigt starkt pa att det ar en riktig trad, man kan se att personen inte har engelska som modersmal... grammatiskt ar det val okej, men manga av uttrycken hon anvander later uppstyltade och oversatta, de funker helt enkelt inte pa engelska. Har sjalv engelska som modersmal!

Håller med  Men jag tycker det förutom märklig meningsbyggnad också finns grammatikfel Nu är ju jag från England o inte USA  Så visst det kan finnas skillnader Men knappast så härI am deeply sórry for anyone that has the opinion that pregnancy=abortion.  And then what...no problem?  The thought that any parent would believes that their child would not feel eternal emotion over having an abortion must be greatly distanced from reality