Ok att titta på porr i ett förhållande eller inte?

I understand the impulses that drive the desire to feel more control, more desired, and so on. But struggling with these issues by regulating a partner?s porn use is not a very effective way to resolve them.

When a man in individual therapy tells me that his angry sweetheart has mandated he masturbate without porn, I assume that he?ll just think about porn (or neighbor, ex-girlfriend, movie/music star) while he masturbates instead of watching it. I'm not saying he should; I'm saying he often will.

Of course he will. It?s what humans have been doing since the beginning of time. The internet didn?t invent masturbation, and internet porn didn?t invent fantasizing.

So when I follow up by asking what the new arrangement accomplishes, the answer is usually ?Well, she feels better.? True, the wife or girlfriend may be less angry (although her frustration may reappear when eliminating porn doesn?t change anything).

I almost never hear a guy say, ?Now I realize how porn was undermining my mental health, sex life, marriage, etc.? I almost never hear a guy tell me that since he gave up porn ?I desire sex with my partner more,? or ?We?ve resolved our conflicts about which sexual activities are off the table.?